Feel like I am always in between desires and fears, driven by affections, haunted by shame in disgust, toward others, toward myself, running up and down, over and over
Hi everyone, it's been quite a while since my last letter. As part of my end-of-year resolution, I've set a goal to provide weekly updates to share what I've learned or explored during each week!
Driving by Fears and Desires
This week, while driving to work, a podcast that I've been engrossed in day and night recently caught my attention. It features Jay Shetty discussing the concept of 9 personality types. I found the core concept of this theory intriguing. Unlike the multidimensional approach of the 16 personalities, which has faced criticism regarding its reliability and potential oversimplification of the complex nature of human beings, the 9 enneagram types embrace the idea that we can possess multiple types and varying levels of mindsets. It serves as a tool to understand not just our behaviors, but also to our fears and desires, which I believe are at the core of what drives and enhance our strengths and weaknesses.
Self reflection
Before I dive into any tests that promise magical results, I took the time to review the list of all types and created a table of the types that resonated with me. I highlighted the aspects that I feel most connected to and ranked my feelings based on how significant they are in shaping my personality.
During the reflection, I also made an effort to ask myself why these things matter to me. I delved into the memories and experiences that I use as evidence for the descriptions, and it was truly confronting to see what truly drives me forward and what I am constantly trying to avoid or escape from.
Validate with some tests!
To validate my "intuition" and "feelings," I decided to give some magical surveys a try. After going through hundreds of questions, I must say that the design of most test websites seems old school, which made me wonder about the reliability of the results. However, I did enjoy the process of reading the questions, as it served as a reminder of how unique individuals can be. It even prompted me to associate some of the questions with people I know.
In most cases, it cost me about 20 Euro for a "detail" report. Which make me wonder...
What an easy/amazing business model! Almost no overhead and need for maintenance. With just 50 download a day, in a year, I can definitely buy my dream apartment in Amsterdam...
The competition is insane tho, if you google 9 enneagram types test, you will get more than 2 pages of the result, and the top 4 are paying the google ad to stand out.
The result?
At the end, I manage to get two sets of results with type breakdowns (one for free and one for 19 euro). Test result 1 is from the personality lab, which had the best user interface and the most comprehensive set of questions (100), and yes, I paid for the design. On the other hand, result 2 is from the Enneagram Personality Test which had a poorly designed interface, but surprisingly still receives 3-5 customer reviews every day.
In comparing the results, I standardized the numbers to my original scale. As shown in the table, the results are not entirely consistent but do exhibit some overlaps. Test 1 revealed that I strongly identify with Type 5, which aligns with my personal reflection and explains my deep fascination with knowledge and genuine curiosity about the world. Similarly, Type 4 didn't come as a surprise, as it resonates with my passion for art, design, photography, music, and creative writing, as well as my strong desire for a unique identity.
What's interesting is that both tests strongly indicated Types 8 and 7, which didn't immediately resonate with me during my personal reflection. However, upon further reflection on my life choices and thought patterns, I realized that a strong fear of being restricted and experiencing pain are indeed significant driving forces within me.
Type 6 and 9 are the types that I don't personally resonate with, and they didn't appear as results in either test. However, I've come to recognize the value of individuals who embody these types in my life. Especially the peacemakers, I find them so amazing with the ability to turn challenging situations around and make the impossible possible.
My take away
As someone with broad interests and a deep love for various challenges, I've often found it difficult to fit myself into a traditional career path. Being positioned between the realms of an artist, designer, and strategist, I've struggled with the idea of conforming to a predefined role. However, going through this exercise has been a profound reminder that it's perfectly okay to embrace my unique combination of traits. It has given me the confidence to forge my own path, leveraging my strengths and passions to create a career that reflects who I am.
This process has also helped me gain clarity on what truly motivates me and what I instinctively try to avoid. How I priority life matters and it's a liberating feeling to know that I can embrace my multifaceted nature and build a fulfilling career that aligns with my authentic self.
During the test, I was thinking of the true meaning of knowing someone. It made me question whether our understanding of someone extends beyond surface-level knowledge, allowing us to truly empathize with their traits, fears, and desires. There were also moments when certain questions prompted me to wonder about the answers someone I was once close to would have.
If you're interested in learning more about yourself, I would recommend starting with personal reflection. I must admit, I still have some doubts about the tests and their statistical reliability. Take, for instance, Test Result 1, which indicates that around 11.11% of people identify as Type 5, whereas in Result 2, the percentage drops significantly to 4.8%. That's not a small gap! At least they both agree that type 9,6 and 4 are the majority and 2,8,5 are the minority.
It's not just about who we as individual are
As I reflect on the distribution of the types in these test results, I can't help but be reminded of the captivating insights shared by Edward O. Wilson in his book, "The Social Conquest of Earth." Wilson's captivating exploration of human evolution on a group scale has left a lasting impression on me. It's a delightful reminder that our survival as a species is intricately linked to the diversity within our social groups. Just like the characters in a thrilling ensemble cast, each type brings something unique and valuable to the table.
And that wraps up this week! Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Feel free to share it with others and encourage them to subscribe as well. I'm always excited to hear your thoughts and learn about your personal types, so please don't hesitate to share them with me! Until next week, take care and see you soon!
Reference
Jessica Booth
